Ah yes, it’s that time of year again: Thanksgiving! A holiday tradition where Americans celebrate the hospitality of this land’s indigenous tribes towards the European settlers and ancestors. Without the support of the Native Americans teaching the colonists about local agriculture, it’s debatable if the early settlers would’ve survived the first few winters here in the new world at all. Let’s all remember to be grateful and to respect the wisdom of a culture that lived harmoniously with nature.

What better way to honor this tradition than to come together for a feast centered around the slaughter of an innocent bird? It’s only right I guess, considering that the early Americans returned the favor by waging countless wars against the natives, brought deadly diseases over from the old country, then put the nail in their coffin by imposing a crippling reservation system upon them. After all, it was this same reservation system that was a precursor to the modern day welfare system which is unilaterally to blame for the continued destruction and subjugation of this country’s current colored minority populations.

Even worse, rather than teach our children the atrocities that were committed by our American forerunners against an entire ethnicity of people that could compare to Hitler’s genocide of the Jews, we instead doubled down on death and created the heinous ritual of the snapping of the turkey’s “wishbone.” First, each of the impressionable youths at the gathering jockey around and position themselves to be one of the “lucky” two that get the “honor” of participating in this morbid task. Then, once the two “worthy” kids are chosen, they are told to make a wish at which point they proceed to forcibly jerk the bone in opposite directions until it breaks. As a reward, the child holding the larger piece of the bone will have his or her wish come true! This wish is probably just a selfish request for more personal presents during the next morally debased holiday: Christmas! How very appropriate! Does anybody consider the possibility that the turkey may have a wish to simply remain alive and be free from violence committed against it? Finally, let’s all distract ourselves from any real intellectual communication and instead bath in the artificial glow of the television, watching football most likely, while we digest our meal of dead flesh and relax our bloated waistlines.

The most ironic part in this purely American tradition, set in the land of the free and the home of the brave, is invention of the turduken. In a nation that is supposed to be the pinnacle of freedom, we demonstrate our (lack of) moral and intellectual superiority by shoving a chicken up the rear end of a duck and then we shove that mess up the rear end of a turkey. Not only do we enslave these animals so we can indiscriminately slaughter them on a whim because we might be hungry and we like the way that they taste, we’re so perverted that we’ll shove their murdered carcasses inside one another’s posterior like some sort of twisted set of nested Russian dolls! Has anybody ever stopped and wondered how absurd this must appear to the less fortunate nations on this planet whose citizens regularly struggle to meet their daily nutritional requirements?

This year I urge those participating in Thanksgiving to abstain from supporting a tradition of death, slaughter, selfishness and ignorance. Let’s instead remember the unjust sacrifice the indigenous people of this land endured while our ancestors raped and destroyed their mighty culture. Let’s replace the sacrificial bird at the center of our tables with the delicious, wholesome bounty that our planet and it’s nearby sun provide to us in the form of fruits, vegetables, legumes and grains. Let us teach our children the true meaning of love and compassion instead of the conflict and selfishness centered around the morbid act of snapping the neck of an unjustifiably slaughtered innocent animal. Let’s look at the cosmic and spiritual mess we’ve made for ourselves and be thankful that we have the power to break free from a toxic cultural tradition and make the necessary changes in ourselves that will lead to a true golden age of peace and prosperity on earth, not just for humans, but for all living creatures.

 

Quit your cult today!

-Sean Galt